I have a certain passion for writing, one that has..diminished? In the past few months, could it be because there is nothing to inspire me? (kind of a lie considering that just about anything used to inspire me) or is writing no longer my calling...that would be depressing T.T (Especially since i spent two years writing a novel that is not yet finished ^^;;)
ha ha either way i kinda feel like writing now...but to what? Or about who?

Well it is somewhat of a surprise to find myself back here...i thought i died there for a second..*sigh* what CAN i say about my life as of late? It sucks? it's crappy? it's better than the life of others?..if i see it that way then i don't have much right to bitch eh? So what if some parts of my life ae royally screwed up? So what if my loser ex continues to persue me in the misguided attempt that i care for him even an iota? maybe i'm simply intolerant of things now..i no longer hold the spunk and fiery spunk that i used to have..oi i just made myself feel old..like crypt keeper old... *shudder*
what is the feeling that one is supposed to feel when one is being praised yet subtlely being put down at the same time?
have i simply grown too sentimental for my own good? ha maybe i have..maybe my innane ramblings have only served to distance me from those that should mean the most to me...i wonder if said people even exist anymore? no doubt i still love my relatives and my friends but do i really LOVE them or do i simply say so because it is part of human nature to reject loneliness..is my attachment to them merely part of the human cycle..*shakes head* i shouldn't be allowed to think it only leads me down dangerous pathways of thoughts..*sigh* i'm too tired to think now, i'm off to bed..maybe the answers to my dilemmas lie therein..

And now that i have gotten all the negativity out of my system in the last blog i suppose that i can now confidently say that i feel lighter and (dare i say) somewhat bubbly..Hm..I suppose that i can now finish emptying my head of the other things that have been populating my mind..for example, as some people are aware i was in a relationship that turned sour pretty fast (much to my annoyance) but i am now blissfully free to run around and commit ritual sacrifices like i normally would..i discovered a bit too late that i am perfectly fine on my own and that i do not wish to have someone cramping my style.. along with this realization came the sadder conclusion that i put myself selfishly before those that i swore would always remain first (who these people are is none of your damn business so do not bother to ask)but that's besides the point, my original point is that although i find myself baffled by certain events that have happened recently i believe that for once in my life i am neither too depressed not faking too much enthusiasm..i believe that for once in life i have reached a happy medium, and i like my life this way..now i'm off to commit those ritual sacrifices i spoke of earlier..

I find myself sitting here in front of the computer without much to do except look at the cursor and comtemplate the odd turns that my life has taken. I find myself simply..tired..tired of life, tired of LIVING..I will not fathom what has exactly brought me to this but i do know that I am simply TIRED. i have no real rhyme or reason for this except to say i truly do not want to live anymore. Mind you this is not the part where i start a useless rethoric involving suicide and other such pointless bullshit, it is too far beneath me..However, i will state that i do not wish to hear reprimands about the sad state of my mental state for even I know that such a thing is no longer existent in my confusing little existence. I also do not wish to hear words of comfort simply for the sake of saying them, if you have an intelligent comment to make then do so but do not waste my already dwindling, wasted youth with pointless yammering about the 'bright side of life'. I am simply taking some thoughts off my chest and do not wish to be treated like some bomb that is about to explode..do not offend me with such childish reactions..What this long-winded rant comes down to is this..i no longer wish to live but that does not mean that i shall end my life, i wish for solitude but that does not mean that i shall push my friends away..i just felt the need to release some thoughts that had been plaguing me for some time..ah yes my mind feels somewhat clearer now..

Well I finally got one of these LJ accounts..hm..what else is there to say really? At the moment I'm just thrilled that I was smart enough to figure out how to semi work this..lol! But I digress, hm..who would have thought that being free from school would offer so much time to just sit here and...DIE of boredom? Che I should get a hobby..or a job...nah!